| (10.08.03) "My Pictures" |
 |
The information has been leaked. |
|
|
|
| (09.16.03) "blahhhhh" |
|
thank you for all the 'get well soon cards' and i'll see all of you in the spring. |
|
|
|
| (09.14.03) "explain the burning in my stomach" |
|
i love you, but you really fuck me up |
|
|
|
| (09.14.03) "all of the things i did for you this week" |
|
all of the things i did for you this week, i also did for myself. i feel like i'm going to throw up. that has not happened in years.
i downloaded the entire live show Elliott Smith played at the Northsix in Brooklyn that we went to see. I fixed my CD burner so i could make you a copy for you to enjoy. We were there together, it was a lot of fun despite the parts that made it less fun, ie. my horrible driving. i sat on the phone with comcast for almost 3 hours across 2 weeks setting up the internet, so that I could have an affordable mode of correspondence with you. I found a cheap telephone service so i could indulge in speaking with you in the moments it is afforded to us. Sadly, I failed in initialising the service because I lack the tools necessary to do so. I"m working on it. I worked on eating healthy and feeling healthy and thinking healthy and sleeping regular hours and maintaining a schedule that wasn't completely fucked. I rationalised this as a healthier me = a healthier me. and since we're in this together i thought it'd be a good idea for me to work on being healthy. |
|
|
|
| (09.14.03) "title it yourself" |
|
make up what i'm supposed to be and then punish me for not being it. title it yourself, whatever i write is just going to hurt you. everything hurts you. everything is not for you. everything is just there because you don't want it to be, and i know that and i do it on purpose. well i'm sure that's what you'd like to believe because it makes it easier for you to push your push push pushing pins into my face, chest, stomach. it's your fault i cannot sleep. it's my fault i'm posting this publicly. you can't give me the respect to talk to me and not turn your phone off, i can't give you the respect of privacy. you want to be a part of this "world".. well, welcome to it.. do you feel any different? what do you mean no? yo u don't feel empowered or in the know.. why not? is your imagination once again reminding you of what a tremendous let down the real world is. i'll tell you, i'm not the saddest boy in the world, or the smartest.
i'm not burdened with a whole lot of nonsense, but there are a few things that do make me hurt - i wish i could call you and wake you up so you'd know what it feels like to be awake against your own free will. afraid to sleep. what i type here doesn't have to have meaning, it can be worthless for the art of being worthless, it can be meaningless for the better part of the qualities of having no meaning. i can point this finger at what i want and turn it into shit, the new gold, the new platinum. i can't get anything out because i don't have anything inside. lets talk about our thoughts and what we're thinking about because we are tired of talking about "what did you do today." well i don't have any thoughts. i don't have any because i'm scared to, because i'm scared to, because i'm so scared to think a godamn thing, i might have to explain myself, i might have to breath. why does my stomach hurt? i think if i'd have to end it all for
myself, i couldn't do it with poison- my gastrointestinal tract is already in bad enough shape. i think a foreign object entering my cranium might cure my sinus headache and distract me from the tingling numbness between my eyes. the numb hurts. but what does it matter, i dont even have the where with all to comprehend the implications of what i'm writing., it's too fucking early in the morning. don't ever engage me and then run from me ever again. i'm glad you understand. |
|
|
|
| (09.12.03) "10 things we have in common" |
|
start counting on your fingers, i'll tell you when you get there. |
|
|
|
| (09.10.03) "the innergnet is sacred" |
|
if anybody would like to check my school mail, just click this link.
username: BensonJ // pass: ab7h |
|
|
|
| (09.10.03) "rat race anxiety a a a a a a a a a a bbbb" |
|
yo what am i doing? i sleep to dream, i fight it and i work to sleep and i fight it, though i shouldn't i should and do and will .. i wish i didn't sleep |
|
|
|
| (08.31.03) "my drivers license expired today" |
|
i'm going to bed. |
|
|
|
| (08.17.03) "it's your brithday" |
|
i would like to give a shoutout to my niggah, George zbyr. cuz we're gonna party like it's his birthday. |
|
|
|
| (08.08.03) "oh hell" |
|
you've got 2 years left. |
|
|
|
| (08.04.03) "nobody likes the back-seat" |
|
16 tubes, 500 watts. mmm. - who actually listens to music anyway? (lol). Fact: Pot Smoking High Schoolers and Collegiate failures-at-life ruined Ben Folds Five. Fact: Ben Folds Five covered Twin Falls beautifully. Relevance doesn't matter anymore. I just want to mean business and business means selling my toosh. suck it ladies, 6$ for the compact disk. and now bite your lip because "that don't bother me." |
|
|
|
| (08.04.03) "Name That Movie, nigguhhh" |
|
"you have no power over me ((digital delay))" |
|
|
|
pace
| (07.26.03) "National Lampoon's Ocean City New Jersey" |
|
i will be compiling a list, a profile, and a regrets ven-diagram illustrating why this week to come will be a disaster. following the utter failure comes two more. via fedex, a brkn bass head and some cruddy cd's.
failure_1 failure_2 failure_3
|
|
|
|
| (07.22.03) "hold your breath., nucca" |
|
will johnny get his security deposit back from his former apartment? stay tuned for this weeks horribly stomach wrenching reality web posts. fuckin. i need my monies. - rollin down the street ne ne ne ne ne sippin on gin & juice |
|
|
|
| (07.22.03) "And the burning question is.." |
|
will LL Cool J ever do a good movie? Will LL COol J Ever play a respectable role? This ofcourse not counting his amazing portrayal of Marcus Ridley in the 2002 remake of "Rollerball" - what do you mean you haven't seen it? Turn your tv to the TNN channel, this movie is on atleast twice a week. gnite all, it's time to watch the 1-800 commercials on at 2am. |
|
|
|
| (07.21.03) "Yo, Lets Scrim." |
|
just understand. i cling to this medium like a dying memory. a played out vinyl record, a tape that has been eaten and repaired one too many times. just understand, i'm not a writer. f uck that. i'm not an artist - but i'm collecting terabytes of perfect memories. even those fade. don't be a memory. be a constant. i love you constantly. understand that. you know me.link |
|
|
|
| (07.21.03) "I like it when you die." |
|
it's that time of year. stop instant messaging me. stop calling my house. stop stop stop stop stops topst ospt opst. www.newstoday.com fuck you! haha. i've said it. maybe they'll link me. yes i am busy. Dan, buy the van. Max, prozac. Nessa, I love you. Dewey, tell Jim to stop using my computer. Lee Boss, you owe me 270.00$ plus 40$ shipping, you FUck. Fuck the internet as the internet has fucked me. link |
|
|
|
| (07.20.03) "When I can make it personal" |
|
here's the guide to making it successful, making it work for the You's. Here's how you do it. Make it work with the squares, slide it into the peg holes, but then take it out of context. Who cares? You do not when you read my dish. It works. Trust me - and it will last forever. it's dewey's birthday. it's a link |
|
|
|
| (07.17.03) "This is the end" |
|
Someday, I would like to go everywhere and see what happens. Everything good comes to an end. The saddest man. What a funny thing to say. Lets fill this space with something important and should it happen to fit nicely, we would like to call it serendipity. |
|
|
|
| (07.16.03) "Deee-Flate!" |
|
I cleaned out the Ipod. New Music for the road means more road and more time on it. RUnning errands is much like bloody fingers. Sometimes you just gotta play with them. Whether you like it or not. I am retired. |
|
|
|
| (07.15.03) "Greyscale, Jejune" |
|
what is it about those grey hooded sweatshirts. puhleease. massechusetts where are you? |
|
|
|